The Alien Mind-Reader Touched the Human, Then Screamed and Passed Out | HFY
1. Enter the Council Chambers
So there I was floating around in the most prestigious space station in the galaxy watching what could only be described as the universe's biggest collection of alien egos gathered in one place the galactic council chambers looked like someone had thrown a cosmic costume party and forgotten to mention the theme you had your standard tentacle beings your crystalline rock people your floating gas clouds with attitude problems and of course the inevitable species that looked like they'd been designed by a committee of edgy teenagers but the real star of this show was Vexthera the council's premier telepathic interrogator picture this 8 feet tall skin-like polished obsidian four arms that moved with the kind of fluid grace that made you think she practiced synchronized swimming in her spare time and eyes that glowed with the confidence of someone who had never met a mind she couldn't crack like a walnut vexther was basically the Michael Jordan of brain invasion for the past three centuries she had been the go-to gal whenever the council needed to extract information from unwilling subjects political dissident space pirates tax evaders that one guy who kept parking his ship in the handicapped spot without a permit they all folded like origami in a hurricane the moment she made mental contact her success rate was perfect not 99% not 99.9% 100% because apparently in a galaxy full of advanced civilizations nobody had figured out how to properly secure their thoughts against a determined telepathic intruder.
2. Humanity Arrives
Which brings us to today's entertainment earth had finally managed to crawl out of its technological diapers long enough to send their first official diplomatic mission to the stars the council being the welcoming bunch they were had decided that the best way to greet humanity was to immediately test their mental defenses you know just to see what they were working with nothing says friendly first contact like an impromptu brain scan the human representative was one ambassador Jake Martinez a guy who looked like he had been specifically designed to be as aggressively average as possible medium height medium build the kind of face you would forget 5 seconds after meeting him at a grocery store he wore a navy blue suit that probably came from the diplomatic equivalent of a bargain bin and he had this expression of barely contained excitement like a kid who just found out he was going to Disneyland but was trying really hard to act professional about it poor Jake had no idea what he was walking into the council chambers were buzzing with the kind of anticipation you usually see right before someone gets publicly humiliated on live television ...
3. First Mental Contact
Vexther approached her workstation with the casual confidence of someone about to perform a routine maintenance check after all what could possibly be challenging about reading the mind of a species that had only recently figured out how to leave their own planet without exploding vexththerra placed one of her four hands on Jake's shoulder ...
4. Parallel Thought Hurricane
The first thing that hit her was Jake's immediate panic about whether he had remembered to turn off his hotel room's air conditioning before leaving for the meeting this was immediately followed by a detailed mental review of his breakfast choices ...
5. The Telepath Cracks
Vexthara realized she was no longer just reading Jake's mind she was experiencing it the telepathic connection had become a two-way street ...
6. Council-Wide Broadcast Chaos
That's when Jake's mind took a hard- left turn ... vexa screamed not a dignified alien expression of distress but a full-throatated primal scream of cognitive overload ... the council chambers erupted into confused chaos ...
7. Instant Membership
The head of the council a dignified reptilian being ... we have decided to immediately approve humanity's application for full membership in the Galactic Council ...
8. Aftermath
Three months later Vexther Thther was still in therapy ... the Galactic Council had issued a galaxywide memo classifying human minds as a class 7 cognitive hazard ... and Jake jake returned to Earth as a hero completely oblivious ... the beautiful chaos of human consciousness had officially become humanity's greatest diplomatic asset even if nobody on Earth realized it.
